New Year, New Me???

This is the time of the year when people begin to think about how to improve their lives. Most people make promises called "resolutions" which quickly fizzle out by the end of the January. Why do so many resolutions fall along the wayside? Change is a difficult component to master. Those who begin the year with such high expectations are merely setting themselves up for the big let down. Perhaps this year we should try something different. Perhaps this year we could resolve to change someone's life and improvement their circumstances.

A few Januarys ago, I made a list of about 15 goals I wanted to achieve for the year. The goals on my list consisted of the ever- so- famous “lose 10 lbs” and “find a higher paying job”. Other goals on that list included performing more acts charity, reconnecting with friends, developing a hobby, reading more books, taking more vacations, and finally running a marathon. When I reflect back upon this list, I see how unrealistic this was and how impossible it would have been to tackle all of these tasks. I wake up at 6 am every morning; I have a full time job, a husband, and a90 lbs dog to care for. The truth is I did not have any time for all of these goals so I did what most people do - nothing. I rolled the goals over to the next year, and the year after! How do we break the “goal rollover”?

In my individual therapy sessions, I have had the experience of working with clients who encountered difficulty completing tasks, which at times results in feeling insufficient, having low self esteem, and even experiencing feelings of worthlessness. My initial observations are that we “put too much on our plates at one time”. In another words, we set too many goals at once and too much pressure on ourselves. We make ourselves think “I need to get things done and do it now”. Having this mentality usually results in us “burning ourselves out”, mentally and physically. For example, isn’t it interesting how in the first few weeks of the New Year, the gyms in our buildings and in the community are crowded and if you were look back 2 months later, half of those people are no longer going?

One thing that I regularly remind my clients of in individual therapy is that change is gradual and does not happen overnight. Achieving change is a process, and while achievable, a slower process than many would like. I suggest that in order to minimize burnout or feeling overwhelmed, limit your New Year’s goals to no more than 2 – 3 and break them down into steps. For example, say your general goal is to lose 10 lbs. Write down your goal and beneath that, write the steps you would need to take in order to reach that goal. You may write something like Main Goal: Lose 10 lbs, and under that you could write 1) limit daily calorie consumption and 2) exercise 3 days a week. This may help you to organize your thoughts and develop a clear, concise plan to achieve that goal. Remember to not fall into the time line pressure. Be realistic about the time frame needed to achieve your goals. For instance, you are not going to tell yourself “I need to lose 10 lbs in 2 weeks” and feel like a failure when it does not happen. Do research on line to help give you attainable goal points. A friend of mine recently told me, “My goal this year is to start a charity organization. I am so overwhelmed with thinking of a mission statement and ways to get supporters, this is too much!” I asked her, “Did you do research on-line to see how other people have started charities?” She looked at me perplexed and said, “No, I guess I should probably do that”. I had to laugh because it was a reminder of how we become so busy with the daily chaos of our lives; we forget to remember things we can do to make things easier!

We may encounter barriers through our process that can deter us from reaching our goal, requiring exploration and further understanding. For example, I recently treated a client who is diabetic and overweight. His number 1 goal was to lose weight and he was genuinely making an effort to use the gym at least 3-4 times a week and reported an increase in energy. One week he came in for a session and I inquired about how his gym routine was going. He made a scowled face and said, “Oh, I stopped going! I have been at it for a few months and nothing is physically changing for me! Why bother!” That session, we explored other ways my client was managing his health and discovered that a new medication he was prescribed to manage his diabetes was causing weight gain and bloating. My client did not realize that his new medication could be affecting his lack of weight loss even though he felt he was putting in enough effort to see physical change. I encouraged my client to consult with his endocrinologist about ways to minimize side effects. My client was able to address his concerns with his doctor and is currently back to his regular gym routine, seeing gradual changes in his physique. Because my client was frustrated with lack of noticeable changes within a short period of time, he threw his hands up and was ready to quit on improving his health. He placed too much pressure on himself to see immediate change and forgot take into consideration other elements of his life that were causing change not to happen.

It is important to never minimize your efforts and remember to always give yourself credit. We are our own worst critics. Saying things like, “I only did 10 minutes of cardio at the gym today instead of 40”, will keep you in the mind frame that you are not up to par. Train your brain to replace the minimizing thoughts with empowering ones such as, “I was really tired and short on time but I was able to squeeze in 10 minutes of cardio”.

Finally, allow yourself some room for setbacks. We have all experienced situations in which we felt like “just shutting down”.

In summary:

-Be conscious of not placing too much pressure on yourself this upcoming year

-Be realistic with your expectations and do research

-Explore and address potential barriers to reaching your goals

-Train yourself to replace minimizing thoughts with empowering ones

-Allow yourself to accept setbacks

Hopefully, these tips can be useful on your journey to setting and reaching goals for 2012.

Best of luck and Happy New Year!

By: Laurie Ann Silva, MS, MFT

Email: laurie@mindtherapygroup.com 

Difficulty Sleeping??

Having difficulty sleeping?? Here are some ways to get a better night sleep.

It's 2 am and you are tossing and turning wondering when and if you are going

to fall asleep tonight. It is something that happens to most people from time to time but

it begins to affect your life once it goes from an occasional to more frequent. An

estimated 30-50 % of the population suffer from short term insomnia and about 10%

suffer from chronic insomnia. Insomnia is considered chronic after a duration of 3

weeks.

Having a good night of sleep is essential for our physical, mental and emotional

well being. Lack of sleep has been linked to everything from stress and obesity to

disrupted thought patterns. Insomnia effects our mood, our work and our appetite. It

can affect our driving, concentration and memory. A good night sleep is not a luxury, it

is a necessity.

The good news is that there is help!

The first steps to fight insomnia are to create a stress free environment in your

bedroom. With our intense connection to technology this can be very challenging. I

have heard many people say, "I wish I would have read that email tomorrow morning,

it kept me up all night". Learning when to shut off the computer, cell phone and

television are crucial to getting a good night's sleep. Electronics stimulate our mind

and keep us in an alert state which can disrupt our sleep. An activity such as reading is

much more effective in having a good night sleep than an activity that has to do with

electronics before or even in bed. Also, making sure your room is completely dark and

at a comfortable temperature for you. Keeping a notepad and pen near your bed can

also be helpful if there are ideas or concerns that are keeping you up. You can them

just jot them down and know restfully that they will be waiting for you to think about

tomorrow.

A wonderful technique with no side effects that has been proven to help with

insomnia is hypnosis. Hypnosis for insomnia is extremely effective and has long

lasting results. It is easy, painless and has positive results that go way beyond getting

a good night's sleep. Not only will you have more pleasant dreams but you will begin

to remember them more often as well. If you are suffering from insomnia, set up an

appointment for Hypnotherapy at Mind Therapy Group and rest assure that you will

soon be getting a great night's sleep!

Written by:  Mina Sulkowski, LMHC
Email: mina@mindtherapygroup.com

Lose WEIGHT with HYPNOSIS!!

The journey into weight loss begins in the mind, more importantly the unconscious mind. Everybody knows the scientific, research based steps to lose weight, right? Eating less calories and exercising more. So why is this simple concept so challenging to follow? Unfortunately, the unconscious mind gets in the way.

*The unconscious mind is that part of yourself that holds memories, values and your belief system.
*The unconscious is vast with information, where the conscious part of your mind is limited. Imagine an iceberg, the conscious mind is the tip of the iceberg, where the unconscious part is the rest.
*You may consciously want to lose weight but, somewhere in your unconscious mind you are stuck.
*That unconscious part of you may not feel like you deserve it, you may have a false belief that food is your only source of comfort or you may have an insecurity about receiving praise and attention.
*There are millions of unconscious reasons that have kept people overweight and none have to do with consciously wanting to be fat.

The struggle to lose weight doesnt have to exist any longer. Losing weight does not mean that you have to go on a restricted unpleasant diet, eat frozen foods or take pills or shots with harsh side effects. What years of negative experiences, memories and beliefs created, hypnosis can undo. The process of hypnosis, or focused attention, has been researched and proven to aid in weight loss. You can reach your ideal weight effortlessly through the power of your Unconscious mind.

Written by: Denise Wasmer, MHC, C.Ht

Email: denise@mindtherapygroup.com

Do You Suffer from PANIC ATTACKS!!!

Do you suffer from panic attacks? A panic attack could happen without a warning. It happens when something triggers a feeling of intense fear that is followed by physical reactions that in most cases includes:

• heart palpitations
• shortness of breath
• sweating of hands
• feeling weak, faint or dizzy
• tingling or numbness in the hands
• chest pains
• blurred vision
• feeling a loss of control

The fear and terror that a person experiences during a panic attack are not in proportion to the true situation and may be unrelated to what is happening around them.  People who have had one panic attack are at greater risk for having subsequent panic attacks than those who have never experienced a panic attack.

What is the solution????
It's all about control! When your mind feels that it has lost control over a situation you will panic. As soon as you feel you are in control again, you'll stop the attacks. Hypnosis works directly with your mind to find out the cause of the attack and to reestablish the sense of balance and control you need to stop suffering from panic attacks once and for all.

With the help of self hypnosis / hypnotherapy you can learn to recognise the feelings that precede your panic attacks and release the hold they have on your life. There is a safe place in which to face these things. A place where you can go any time you wish and truly relax.

Written by: Laraine Marques, C.Ht
email: laraine@mindtherapygroup.com

Get out of GRIEF!!!

Get out of grief and back to life! The lost of a loved one could be devastating emotionally and physically. To grieve is a process of adjusting yourself to deal with absence of a loved one. The grieving process doesn't happen only after the death of someone we love; it also takes place after a divorce, or breakup. Grief can last a few months or even many years, it is up to how fast we accept the disappearance of the other person that the healing can then take place. Sometimes it is hard to accept that the person we love so much is no longer with us. We find ourselves angry, loss, frustrated & confused. Simply because we have not been able to cope with the feeling of abandonment, or rejection. There are ways in which to deal with said feelings.

Hypnosis has ways to bring comfort to your mind by teaching you to think and see other perspectives. Once you take the burden off everything will flow in perfect balance, and you will be able to get out of grief and back to life. So whether your grief is due to the loss of a loved one or simply a break up or divorce, do know that you do not have to go through this process alone.

Written by: Laraine Marques, C.Ht
Email: laraine@mindtherapygroup.com

Sibling Rivalry

Sibling rivalry has been around since the beginning of time but that doesn’t mean that it has to take place in your home. While a certain amount of competition is healthy, sibling rivalry can end up being hurtful to not only the children involved but to the family as a whole. This is often because while there is a fight or disagreements taking place, the children tend to want to include either or both parents in order for them to insure that “justice” is being served. This will put the parents in a compromising position which will force them to see who is “right” and who is “wrong”. It is common for children to become masters at knowing exactly what to say to their parents in order to try to get them to take their side. Once a scenario such as that takes place, it often leads to anger, hurt and even resentment. One of the children may begin saying, “You always take his/her side”. And over time this constant blaming of each other wears down the parents.

Many times after a long days work, it can be very frustrating to have to become a referee over who gets to sit in the front seat on the car ride home. What it comes down to is that what children really want and need is their parent’s attention. On the surface, the fights can be about who gets the remote control or who the “favorite child” is. But unconsciously the children are demanding attention from their parents.

           

So how do already busy parents go about giving even more attention and time to their children when they often may not have enough time to get through their day’s checklist? Well, the good news is that the quality of the time that is spent with their children far outweighs the quantity of the time. Quality time can be spent doing just about anything from going for a walk together to making a puzzle together. But the main factor is that the activity has to be done with each child individually and the parents must give their total attention and focus to that child during the activity. In order to achieve this it can be helpful to turn off the cell phone and also arrange for the other children to be occupied doing a separate activity for that time. For example, if your daughter wants to bake cookies tonight, this would be a great opportunity for quality time. So once the distractions are put aside, the quality time can begin. During this special time with your child, it is a great time to get them to open up to you as well. A great way to facilitate that is by asking them about things that interest them. Another way is by asking them to tell you a funny thing that happened in school that day. Children know when they have your undivided attention and this approach also helps improve the communication with your child as well.

           

Once these quality time activities begin, they will become a time that all the family members will look forward too. These activities often need to be planned in advance because of busy schedules but if one quality time activity is scheduled for each child weekly you will begin to see the positive changes in all relationships in the family. Each child will feel important and special and this will lead to them not feeling the need to compete with their sibling for your attention.

Written By: Mina Sulkowski, LMHC

Email: mina@mindtherapygroup.com

How to Handle Temper Tantrums

The terrible twos don’t have to be so terrible after all. It can be difficult when your child begins to have temper tantrums. It is especially stressful when they happen in public. It causes stress levels to rise which in turn raises them in the child as well. There are many ways to handle these tantrums but I would like to discuss one way that has shown to be very successful. Although this technique is more challenging on the onset. Over time it will not only reduce the amount of tantrums but the severity of them as well.

Well, to get started, you and your family (everyone in your child’s life) have to begin to ignore his bad behavior. And only give attention when they are behaving "good".

I know this is so easy to say and so difficult to do, but I promise it works!

Now if they are having a tantrum the steps that you should take are:

-Make sure that you are calm (Take a moment if you need it)

-Pick them up gently and move them to another area (where they can't hurt themselves).

-Sit them down and completely ignore them, Looking at them counts as attention!

-Once they are calm, you can approach them and say this "I know that you are feeling ____ because of   _______ . It is okay to feel ________ but it is not ok to _______.

Example: “I know you are feeling angry because Tommy took your toy. It is okay to feel angry but it is not okay to scream and throw things.

-Then you drop the subject and move on.

And remember you can never praise them enough when they are behaving well!

Another major part of this process is that since parents are only human and at times get angry as well, it is important that if and when parents lose their temper, they say the same phrase that you tell them when they have their tantrum.

For example: Mommy is feeling angry because that driver took mommy’s parking space. It is okay for mommy to feel angry but it is not ok for mommy to scream names at that car. Mommy is sorry.  This way as parents you are modeling the same behavior and there are no mixed messages sent to your child. It is also important for every adult that interacts with your child to follow these same steps. What often happens if one parent follows these techniques and the other doesn’t is that the child will start to only have the tantrums with the parent that doesn’t. That is usually enough motivation for all adults in the family to use these techniques.

Using these techniques will help ease your child’s terrible twos and continuing these techniques in modified ways throughout your child’s life will motivate your child to behave appropriately because they want to, not out of fear of being punished.

Written by: Mina Sulkowski, LMHC

Email: mina@mindtherapygroup.com