The ABC's of a Healthy Divorce

With over 40% of first marriages ending in divorce in the United States, it’s no wonder that much attention has been placed on this very difficult process. Divorce is an extremely difficult process which not only affects the couple getting the divorce but also their children, family, friends and even co-workers. While many divorces contain sadness over the loss and concern for the future, unfortunately, many divorces also contain anger, resentment, bitterness and frustration.

It is possible to have a good divorce, or at least one that is done in a healthier way. Here are some ABC's of a Healthy Divorce

(A) Good communication

(B) Emotional closure

(C) Trust

While it is challenging to achieve a healthier divorce, it is indeed possible. One way that has shown to increase this possibility is to involve as little influence from their attorneys and the court system as possible. In many cases it is necessary but it has shown that about 99% of all divorces are settled before the official trial. But, the settlement does not usually occur until the lawyers of both parties have developed the case for this trial. The development of the case is where the couple suffers a great deal financially and emotionally. A different option that has shown to keep this type of suffering to a minimum is by the use of divorce mediation. Using a divorce mediator has shown to keep conflict to a minimum because it comes with the understanding that the couple is eager to resolve the issues of divorce as peacefully and fairly as possible. This also in turn is a more financially feasible option since both parties are not paying for attorneys and therefore not exhausting their finances.

All divorces are challenging but there are additional strenuous challenges when there are children involved. Ways to a healthier divorce when there are children involved are by:

-Neither spouse speaking negatively of each other in front of the children.

-Family members and friends agreeing not to speak negatively of either spouse as well.

-Putting the needs of the children, including visitation rights, in front of the needs of the adults.

-Showing the children that there is no ill feeling between the couple by having friendly interactions in their presence.

Divorce overall is a very challenging and difficult experience but when handled in a healthy way can be easier on everyone involved. This will not only result in the current process going more smoothly but the future as well.

Written by:

Mina Sulkowski, LMHC

Email: mina@mindtherapygroup.com