This is the time of the year when people begin to think about how to improve their lives. Most people make promises called "resolutions" which quickly fizzle out by the end of the January. Why do so many resolutions fall along the wayside? Change is a difficult component to master. Those who begin the year with such high expectations are merely setting themselves up for the big let down. Perhaps this year we should try something different. Perhaps this year we could resolve to change someone's life and improvement their circumstances.A few Januarys ago, I made a list of about 15 goals I wanted to achieve for the year. The goals on my list consisted of the ever- so- famous “lose 10 lbs” and “find a higher paying job”. Other goals on that list included performing more acts charity, reconnecting with friends, developing a hobby, reading more books, taking more vacations, and finally running a marathon. When I reflect back upon this list, I see how unrealistic this was and how impossible it would have been to tackle all of these tasks. I wake up at 6 am every morning; I have a full time job, a husband, and a90 lbs dog to care for. The truth is I did not have any time for all of these goals so I did what most people do - nothing. I rolled the goals over to the next year, and the year after! How do we break the “goal rollover”?
In my individual therapy sessions, I have had the experience of working with clients who encountered difficulty completing tasks, which at times results in feeling insufficient, having low self esteem, and even experiencing feelings of worthlessness. My initial observations are that we “put too much on our plates at one time”. In another words, we set too many goals at once and too much pressure on ourselves. We make ourselves think “I need to get things done and do it now”. Having this mentality usually results in us “burning ourselves out”, mentally and physically. For example, isn’t it interesting how in the first few weeks of the New Year, the gyms in our buildings and in the community are crowded and if you were look back 2 months later, half of those people are no longer going?
One thing that I regularly remind my clients of in individual therapy is that change is gradual and does not happen overnight. Achieving change is a process, and while achievable, a slower process than many would like. I suggest that in order to minimize burnout or feeling overwhelmed, limit your New Year’s goals to no more than 2 – 3 and break them down into steps. For example, say your general goal is to lose 10 lbs. Write down your goal and beneath that, write the steps you would need to take in order to reach that goal. You may write something like Main Goal: Lose 10 lbs, and under that you could write 1) limit daily calorie consumption and 2) exercise 3 days a week. This may help you to organize your thoughts and develop a clear, concise plan to achieve that goal. Remember to not fall into the time line pressure. Be realistic about the time frame needed to achieve your goals. For instance, you are not going to tell yourself “I need to lose 10 lbs in 2 weeks” and feel like a failure when it does not happen. Do research on line to help give you attainable goal points. A friend of mine recently told me, “My goal this year is to start a charity organization. I am so overwhelmed with thinking of a mission statement and ways to get supporters, this is too much!” I asked her, “Did you do research on-line to see how other people have started charities?” She looked at me perplexed and said, “No, I guess I should probably do that”. I had to laugh because it was a reminder of how we become so busy with the daily chaos of our lives; we forget to remember things we can do to make things easier!
We may encounter barriers through our process that can deter us from reaching our goal, requiring exploration and further understanding. For example, I recently treated a client who is diabetic and overweight. His number 1 goal was to lose weight and he was genuinely making an effort to use the gym at least 3-4 times a week and reported an increase in energy. One week he came in for a session and I inquired about how his gym routine was going. He made a scowled face and said, “Oh, I stopped going! I have been at it for a few months and nothing is physically changing for me! Why bother!” That session, we explored other ways my client was managing his health and discovered that a new medication he was prescribed to manage his diabetes was causing weight gain and bloating. My client did not realize that his new medication could be affecting his lack of weight loss even though he felt he was putting in enough effort to see physical change. I encouraged my client to consult with his endocrinologist about ways to minimize side effects. My client was able to address his concerns with his doctor and is currently back to his regular gym routine, seeing gradual changes in his physique. Because my client was frustrated with lack of noticeable changes within a short period of time, he threw his hands up and was ready to quit on improving his health. He placed too much pressure on himself to see immediate change and forgot take into consideration other elements of his life that were causing change not to happen.
It is important to never minimize your efforts and remember to always give yourself credit. We are our own worst critics. Saying things like, “I only did 10 minutes of cardio at the gym today instead of 40”, will keep you in the mind frame that you are not up to par. Train your brain to replace the minimizing thoughts with empowering ones such as, “I was really tired and short on time but I was able to squeeze in 10 minutes of cardio”.
Finally, allow yourself some room for setbacks. We have all experienced situations in which we felt like “just shutting down”.
In summary:
-Be conscious of not placing too much pressure on yourself this upcoming year
-Be realistic with your expectations and do research
-Explore and address potential barriers to reaching your goals
-Train yourself to replace minimizing thoughts with empowering ones
-Allow yourself to accept setbacks
Hopefully, these tips can be useful on your journey to setting and reaching goals for 2012.
Best of luck and Happy New Year!
By: Laurie Ann Silva, MS, MFT
Email: laurie@mindtherapygroup.com
